Ho hum I hate this

I don't want to be in this skin anymore. I hate looking at myself like this I hate being... F.. F..A.. F..A..T.. I can't take feeling like this about myself anymore. I am sooo tired of food controlling my life. I don't even understand it... Its more of a comfort thing than anything its ridiculous. Why should I let this control my life contradict who I am? I just want to lose weight and be thin again and have some self confidence have the confidence to be intimate with my husband again. I don't want to be XL anymore I don't want to have to shop in the big girl section anymore. I want to have energy again. I want to have my life back. I want to be me again. I am sooo frustrated by this. It plagues me day in and day out. Its pathetic that I buy new jeans and they don't even fit right. Why I am posting this here I do not know. I guess I am to lazy to write it in my journal how pathetic. Our society is plagued with beautiful skinny women and that is all I want to be is a beautiful skinny woman. Not an over weight house wife in a moo moo. This is the beginning of my trek my journey. I am not going to let food control me anymore its so ridiculous food is not that great and it isn't important enough to make me feel this way anymore. I want to be a size 9/10 again I don't want to be a 5'3" 197 size 16 wearing girl anymore... I want to be a 130 pound even 140 pounds would make me happy. This is going to be a ton of work but I have to do this for myself for my daughter and for my husband I can't be this unhealthy anymore I can't take it! I just want to feel good about myself again have a little confidence in what I wear. I hate hate hate the way I feel! This is the beginning of the end of fat pants skinny jeans and self confidence here I come!!!