D-Day Number 8!!!

So proud of myself! It is day 8 yup 8 and I am still dieting still sticking to it still keeping track of my points and still.... NOT CHEATING ON MY DIET... Its finally a monogamous relationship me and this diet before I was always sneaking crap food on the side hoping that lying to myself my diet would never know what I was up to. But I was feeling pretty guilty cheating on Sir Diet all the time and cheating myself into these fat pants and out of those cute skinny jeans so I finally said I am sorry chips, pop, and all other junk foods candy bars etc I cant see you anymore my health is to valuable to me and that I had a new love a love of grilled chicken breast fruits and whole grain foods that I had fell in love with sir diet and that euphoric high that I am getting seeing the numbers on the scale decrease. I figured it was for the best and that those un-healthy foods were just going to have to understand!!! Anyways I am truly proud of myself and in 8 days I have lost about 6 pounds its not ground breaking or anything but it is encouraging and its a great starting point I will get there I know I will!!!

D Day: # 1

So this is diet day number one! This is day number ONE of taking back my life. The first day of diets are always the easiest anyways. Its as you go on with the diet that it gets harder... But this time I am going to conquer food and win ONCE and FOR ALL. I am going to make my best effort to blog about this everyday of my diet until its done to keep me on track! I don't truly understand why I am so obsessive compulsive about food anyways!!! But this time its truly the end of my food obsession it is just food!

Ho hum I hate this

I don't want to be in this skin anymore. I hate looking at myself like this I hate being... F.. F..A.. F..A..T.. I can't take feeling like this about myself anymore. I am sooo tired of food controlling my life. I don't even understand it... Its more of a comfort thing than anything its ridiculous. Why should I let this control my life contradict who I am? I just want to lose weight and be thin again and have some self confidence have the confidence to be intimate with my husband again. I don't want to be XL anymore I don't want to have to shop in the big girl section anymore. I want to have energy again. I want to have my life back. I want to be me again. I am sooo frustrated by this. It plagues me day in and day out. Its pathetic that I buy new jeans and they don't even fit right. Why I am posting this here I do not know. I guess I am to lazy to write it in my journal how pathetic. Our society is plagued with beautiful skinny women and that is all I want to be is a beautiful skinny woman. Not an over weight house wife in a moo moo. This is the beginning of my trek my journey. I am not going to let food control me anymore its so ridiculous food is not that great and it isn't important enough to make me feel this way anymore. I want to be a size 9/10 again I don't want to be a 5'3" 197 size 16 wearing girl anymore... I want to be a 130 pound even 140 pounds would make me happy. This is going to be a ton of work but I have to do this for myself for my daughter and for my husband I can't be this unhealthy anymore I can't take it! I just want to feel good about myself again have a little confidence in what I wear. I hate hate hate the way I feel! This is the beginning of the end of fat pants skinny jeans and self confidence here I come!!!